Heads up to those who read this and don't know us personally our walk through cancer is in the very recent past. My husband is now in remission I just write this to share with friends, family and anyone who feels they may grow closer to the Lord from this.
Okay Sorry this took so long to post but it was hard to write the first one...it's still pretty fresh (like an open wound) I cried all through writing the last post. I just pray that someone walks closer to God through my sharing this.
Part 2 Diagnosis
Before we begin the Diagnosis part I really need to finish part one. I was just too wiped out to do it when I wrote part one. Okay here goes.
My friends The McAdams called...I think the next day. It was all I could do to not start balling at just hearing their voices! They told me (after I informed them I felt this was a punishment for something I did) that this was not something where I needed to look at ME but that this is our natural life and instead I needed to look at God. This is just our fleshly body and that my husband needed a "tune-up" They also told me to be prepared for those in the "church world" who will say "we will pray and God will heal you". At first I could not understand what they meant by this but I was glad to hear from them. I then felt I could call my family and to my surprise they all said 'not to worry we will pray and he will be healed' I know this is the norm in the church world, this constant "healing" upon prayer and I am not against healing at all...I think we just miss the point of why God gave the cancer to begin with it's not just to show God's power. I think for my husband and my self it was a major growth in a lot of areas towards God, our Children, and the love of God through friends and family. So when my family started making those comments the McAdams words rang in my head and I looked to God for the point in all of this...not so much for the healing. I knew if we searched for the answers (by looking at Him) we would either get that healing or understand Gods plan. I was so calm after that, it was amazing. I was sad to know that I was not going to pray feverishly for my husband's healing...that is really hard. But that God would show us what he wanted from all of this. So we prayed.
I want to take a moment and explain why we did not pray for a healing (not that we did not say hey God it would be nice if... but why we did what we did. Think of it like this. Lets say your child is playing at the park and another kid pushes him down. Now you have a choice, you can 1. go over to the kid and the mom who pushed your child and tell them like it is or 2. you can realize that your child is going to face these kinds of trials all of his life and explain to him that this is just a part of life. Now that child knows you love them, they know you will always be there for them (just like God) but he now understands that this is just our natural life. It will have ups and downs and we need to find the meaning of it all...never doubt that you will learn something from every trial in your life. If your read the bible there are some tragically sad stories of men who went to their death bed serving God and living a horrible life. I am sure they asked God to take them out of this situation, but do you think the bible would be what it is today if God had saved Jesus? Jesus died for us, just think of what we could do for others during our trials?
Okay on to part 2
My husband got his scans where it was determined that he had cancer and they needed to remove it. Little at this time was told to us about what it was, where it was or anything. They thought it was "Seminoma" but they were not sure. It seemed like not much time went by and we were at the hospital and he was getting it removed. It was SOOO hard for me to take him there. I am not against hospitals but I know the statistics of death by hospitals and it scared me more than the cancer! I sat in the waiting room drinking an ungodly amount of lattes, watching Home and Garden TV and cropping pictures for a scrapbook project I started (that did not get done in-part until Christmas and the rest until...well it's still not done come to think of it as of June 2008) My sister-in-law with her daughter and BIL came to visit with my while I waited, and while at first I was not happy with company (I do well alone) it was nice to have them there. The doctor came out about a million hours later and said Thor did well, but there was more than they thought so they needed to cut more and put in a stint where the cancer put pressure on his bladder area. They were suppose to let him go home that day (I know crazy huh) but they decided to keep him over night. My MIL and FIL along with our kids came up to see my husband who was doing just fine. He got loads of calls and visits from friends, it was a huge blessing to see how loved he was. Even a friend of mine came by with Cookies and trail mix! It was like they wrapped us in a warm blanket and God was the blanket! I stayed the night with my husband and we both got little sleep because I drank too many lattes and the TV was on. I also think it was just nice for us to bond.
During the days that lead up to the doctors visits I came to reality about cancer not being "completely curable" I now understood we can take measures to care for our temple but the best cure is praying for the things we can't protect ourselves against...like the environment, drunk drivers, etc. I had to lay that idea to rest and start working on my husband getting his "tune-up" as the McAdams called it.
My husband got his results (rather quickly) and a few days later we saw the doctor. This appointment was something I prepared for because while I came to terms with no cure all cancer I knew we were going to do what ever we could to make sure that we ate God's food-herbs, vits, etc. to help my husband along. I knew that some drugs and herbs may not go together so I went there with questions. Large parts of that interview is burned into my head. My husband and I were told he had seminoma cancer its a testicular cancer and that it has spread over and was putting pressure on his bladder...area and hence the pain. He had lymph nodes near the cancer site that were beyond large and they needed to do chemo to shrink them. This doctor had great bedside manners and had the white board and went step by step through the whole process. He even told us we probably wont remember most of this...and while at first I did remember over time it has left me. But large parts are burned into my head! I was told vits can interfere with chemo and so I gave them to him up to the day of chemo. He told us we had a 95% cure rate with this kind of cancer. I had two thoughts 1. ugh 5% seemed like a lot, and 2. how sad I felt about families who do not get that kind of %! I wanted to be thankful and at the same time I was so sad for so many others with cancer.
Well I got through that without crying! Well there ya go...I hope this is not too much info for all of you guys!
I pray that those who go through this can learn to come to terms with this, and can grow towards God and his plan when something like this happens...He is a great God even in the worst of times.
Okay Sorry this took so long to post but it was hard to write the first one...it's still pretty fresh (like an open wound) I cried all through writing the last post. I just pray that someone walks closer to God through my sharing this.
Part 2 Diagnosis
Before we begin the Diagnosis part I really need to finish part one. I was just too wiped out to do it when I wrote part one. Okay here goes.
My friends The McAdams called...I think the next day. It was all I could do to not start balling at just hearing their voices! They told me (after I informed them I felt this was a punishment for something I did) that this was not something where I needed to look at ME but that this is our natural life and instead I needed to look at God. This is just our fleshly body and that my husband needed a "tune-up" They also told me to be prepared for those in the "church world" who will say "we will pray and God will heal you". At first I could not understand what they meant by this but I was glad to hear from them. I then felt I could call my family and to my surprise they all said 'not to worry we will pray and he will be healed' I know this is the norm in the church world, this constant "healing" upon prayer and I am not against healing at all...I think we just miss the point of why God gave the cancer to begin with it's not just to show God's power. I think for my husband and my self it was a major growth in a lot of areas towards God, our Children, and the love of God through friends and family. So when my family started making those comments the McAdams words rang in my head and I looked to God for the point in all of this...not so much for the healing. I knew if we searched for the answers (by looking at Him) we would either get that healing or understand Gods plan. I was so calm after that, it was amazing. I was sad to know that I was not going to pray feverishly for my husband's healing...that is really hard. But that God would show us what he wanted from all of this. So we prayed.
I want to take a moment and explain why we did not pray for a healing (not that we did not say hey God it would be nice if... but why we did what we did. Think of it like this. Lets say your child is playing at the park and another kid pushes him down. Now you have a choice, you can 1. go over to the kid and the mom who pushed your child and tell them like it is or 2. you can realize that your child is going to face these kinds of trials all of his life and explain to him that this is just a part of life. Now that child knows you love them, they know you will always be there for them (just like God) but he now understands that this is just our natural life. It will have ups and downs and we need to find the meaning of it all...never doubt that you will learn something from every trial in your life. If your read the bible there are some tragically sad stories of men who went to their death bed serving God and living a horrible life. I am sure they asked God to take them out of this situation, but do you think the bible would be what it is today if God had saved Jesus? Jesus died for us, just think of what we could do for others during our trials?
Okay on to part 2
My husband got his scans where it was determined that he had cancer and they needed to remove it. Little at this time was told to us about what it was, where it was or anything. They thought it was "Seminoma" but they were not sure. It seemed like not much time went by and we were at the hospital and he was getting it removed. It was SOOO hard for me to take him there. I am not against hospitals but I know the statistics of death by hospitals and it scared me more than the cancer! I sat in the waiting room drinking an ungodly amount of lattes, watching Home and Garden TV and cropping pictures for a scrapbook project I started (that did not get done in-part until Christmas and the rest until...well it's still not done come to think of it as of June 2008) My sister-in-law with her daughter and BIL came to visit with my while I waited, and while at first I was not happy with company (I do well alone) it was nice to have them there. The doctor came out about a million hours later and said Thor did well, but there was more than they thought so they needed to cut more and put in a stint where the cancer put pressure on his bladder area. They were suppose to let him go home that day (I know crazy huh) but they decided to keep him over night. My MIL and FIL along with our kids came up to see my husband who was doing just fine. He got loads of calls and visits from friends, it was a huge blessing to see how loved he was. Even a friend of mine came by with Cookies and trail mix! It was like they wrapped us in a warm blanket and God was the blanket! I stayed the night with my husband and we both got little sleep because I drank too many lattes and the TV was on. I also think it was just nice for us to bond.
During the days that lead up to the doctors visits I came to reality about cancer not being "completely curable" I now understood we can take measures to care for our temple but the best cure is praying for the things we can't protect ourselves against...like the environment, drunk drivers, etc. I had to lay that idea to rest and start working on my husband getting his "tune-up" as the McAdams called it.
My husband got his results (rather quickly) and a few days later we saw the doctor. This appointment was something I prepared for because while I came to terms with no cure all cancer I knew we were going to do what ever we could to make sure that we ate God's food-herbs, vits, etc. to help my husband along. I knew that some drugs and herbs may not go together so I went there with questions. Large parts of that interview is burned into my head. My husband and I were told he had seminoma cancer its a testicular cancer and that it has spread over and was putting pressure on his bladder...area and hence the pain. He had lymph nodes near the cancer site that were beyond large and they needed to do chemo to shrink them. This doctor had great bedside manners and had the white board and went step by step through the whole process. He even told us we probably wont remember most of this...and while at first I did remember over time it has left me. But large parts are burned into my head! I was told vits can interfere with chemo and so I gave them to him up to the day of chemo. He told us we had a 95% cure rate with this kind of cancer. I had two thoughts 1. ugh 5% seemed like a lot, and 2. how sad I felt about families who do not get that kind of %! I wanted to be thankful and at the same time I was so sad for so many others with cancer.
Well I got through that without crying! Well there ya go...I hope this is not too much info for all of you guys!
I pray that those who go through this can learn to come to terms with this, and can grow towards God and his plan when something like this happens...He is a great God even in the worst of times.
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1 comment:
You know, part of your post really touched me:
"I think we just miss the point of why God gave the cancer to begin with it's not just to show God's power. I think for my husband and my self it was a major growth in a lot of areas towards God, our Children, and the love of God through friends and family."
I think this *is* a wonderful show of God's power! When a friend of mine found out that her baby would be born with a terminal birth defect, many many people prayed and believed for healing. However, those prayers weren't answered in the way we had hoped...yet we didn't lose faith in God because everyone can see how God *was* powerful in the midst of that situation...there is so much more to God's power than just "healing" and I think a lot of people think that God is a "one trick pony"...I hope that makes sense! LOL Thank you for posting your story!
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